Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
