apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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