Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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