Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
