I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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