i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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