its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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