She is in my trunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
