This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
