But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
