I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sarcasm needs its own font
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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