Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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