So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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