I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
