Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
