ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
