i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I believe in your delicious
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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