my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
