How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
