We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
