xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
