Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
