a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
