That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
