We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
