I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
