The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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