You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
