i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
