I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
