Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
