sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
