one two three fourrrrnication!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
