Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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