And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
