i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
