I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
