he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
