Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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