the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
