He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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