dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
