you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
