She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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