There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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