mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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