I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
