coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
