oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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