I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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