she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
