"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
