i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
